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stinging transitions

7 Jan

When you’ve finally pieced your nest together and found the tree that you’re rather complacent with, the seasons change and knock you off your branch. A force tears your abode into pieces and you’re forced to scavenge for the new bits and pieces. It’s even more jarring when that nest rests in your mind. How does one rebuild the fort that consists of the feelings you get from your surroundings, your home, your family, your friends, your career? There’s only one course of action–step out there and do it. Things. Anything, as much as you can. Put yourself into every aspect of your daily life until the action stares back at you with a little corner of your smile and eyes dug into its girth.

Time is a mud that I’ll rub all over myself until I’m immortal.

Sebastien Grainger and the Mountains – Meet New Friends


kick it for the third time

8 Sep

Living on a farm road
Takin’ all your time slow
Cheerin’ from the bleachers
Don’t you wish your life was gold?
I bet you do

The Virgins – Hey Hey Girl

Sometimes when you live in the country you have to dance and yell to grab the placidity and lethargy by their throats–tell them, “I love how you let me act like a freak without becoming a spectacle.” Then, the fact that you could just walk into a dry, yellowed cornfield off the farm road, and see its repetition for hours on end as you walk–to be put in a trance simply by walking in that environment for a good chunk of time and know nothing will happen but a rush of wind with the consequent rattling of the leaves high above in the distance, which are on the threshold of a coming autumn–it’s like a cold drink of water. The high of running to nowhere on this expansive rural trail, with no necessary plan or time frame, feels intense and surreal out here; you’ll lose sense of what should be gone, and gain back what you needed, even if you don’t know what those things are. It’s a process with surreptitious, borderline mystical, components. They may make a city girl out of me yet, but the urban nectar is one that I cannot imbibe.

To Know

22 Jan

photo by *爱菲淋*雨 on flickr

Faunts – Out On A Limb

“What’s the point of doing something like that?”
“To know,” she said, “to know more–and more deeply.”

close relations

25 Dec

“our dogs play together sometimes in the park.”


17 Dec

I thought drowning was graceful until I held you down and watched you choke.
Your eyes stopped darting and your neck went limp.
It’s as if I slaughtered through mere inaction;
suspended in the water, you looked remarkable, your whole body caught in clarity.
Like a reel from a silent film, I do not smell or hear or feel you slip away.
Slowly you roll into a sepulchral slumber as I watch a procession of bubbles escape from your lips.
I thought drowning was graceful but I know now that it’s just clumsy.
Your body is such a fool for these waves.


8 Dec

sometimes it is just not possible to do right by any means.